Closer To Fine
by YorkshireGal
Summary: Ronnie Mitchell has to discover the truth, and the clock is ticking, her greatest wish is only round the corner, but when will she discover this? and who will help her along the way? This is my baby, so please read and be kind!
1. Chapter 1

Sleep had always avoided Veronica Mitchell, whether it was because of too many bad memories, or too many worries she had never been sure. Xmas was almost here and with Archie desperate to play his many manipulating mind games everything seemed a stretch too much, besides, in reality what was it all for? What was there to get up for in the morning? It was proof more than ever, that this festive season, would be more painful than the rest.

Grabbing her glass of water from her bedside table, Ronnie rummaged through the draw to find paracetamol to cure the ever faithful, morning headache.

Archie Mitchell was always the main cause of her pain, and she hated that man with all her might, she had never managed to detach him from her life, because his main source of worming his way in was through her sister. There was no way at this point to make Roxy see sense he was too quick, too calculating, too conniving and he always seemed one step ahead, and what annoyed Ronnie the most was that he could read her like a book. The mask, the very one Ronnie wore every day was starting to crack, emotions were seeping through, and it was all down to him.

Ronnie knew full well what tonight was about, it was going to be the bash of the year, the annual Christmas Eve party, everyone was invited, and not going was out of the 'Mitchell' question.

Exciting her flat and walking through the square on towards R&R, Ronnie was amerced in her thoughts, a lot had been on Ronnie's mind of late, especially with it being Christmas only this year hit her harder than any other she had experienced, and she had no idea why. Strange dreams had been plaguing her as well as hallucinations, things had been going missing, and small reminders, things from her childhood had all been crashing together and making Ronnie paranoid.

She thought back to when all of this started, and she couldn't help but blame it on the usual suspect, yet again Roxy knew how to torment her sister, but Ronnie doubted she meant to turn her into a paranoid wreck.

_2 weeks prior_

Sat in the kitchen of the Queen Vic Ronnie stirred her tea, smiling at the gorgeous form of her niece.

Roxy: "Right ok, now I know this may sound silly, but I watched this programme last night on the telly and it got me thinking"

Raising a quizzical eyebrow Ronnie was wondering just what her sister could conjure up next

Ronnie: "What's that then!"

Roxy: "Ronnie i wanna go see a psychic"

Ronnie: "What! Why on earth would you want to go and do that, they are nothing but a waste of money!"

Roxy: "Yeah well i knew you were going say that, so i booked us in for 3pm this afternoon, besides it would give us some time to spend together"

Ronnie: "You did what! Of all the cheek, Roxy I do not want to go and speak to a crazy person about my past life, if I wanted to do that I would go over to the Slaters and have a conversation with Jean!"

Roxy: "Well tough, you're going, whether you like it or not and besides it will be a laugh!"

Being roped into seeing a physic did not excite her in the least, Ronnie couldn't believe how insensitive her sister was, stupid and thoughtless however Ronnie had always been a sceptic, the majority of the time always laughing at the silly stories and never believed them, and just why should she believe it now? Listening to the calming music inside the main room of 'Mystic Haven' Roxy was fiddling with all the tarot cards and candles.

Roxy: "Ay Ron, it's a bit like Mystic Megs place in it!"

Ronnie: "That's because it probably is Mystic Megs place"

Ronnie sat down thoroughly miserable, things like this never interested her in the slightest, and for some strange reason she was nervous.

Just then her thoughts were interrupted by a slightly plump lady with green eye shadow.

"_Would one of you two like to come in now?" _

Ronnie stood up sharply

Ronnie: I'd like to get this over and done with as quickly as possible please.

Walking into a separate room, Ronnie sat down on a wooden chair, the room was filled with candles that were all lit and the place stunk of vanilla, she felt the need to take off her jacket and relax her shoulders, she needed to get rid of a tense feeling that had plagued her since she walked through the Mystic Haven door. Just then the woman, whose eyes had been shut the entire time, opened them sharply. Ronnie gave a slight jump and she turned her head to the side, back and forth. She asked Ronnie to politely shuffle tarot cards and place them in an order of 4. Once they were laid out in perfect order she once again closed her eyes.

Ronnie's heart starting racing, she knew who she wanted to communicate with, but at the same time she couldn't bare it.

The lady opened her eyes and grabbed Ronnie's hands

"_There is someone who is directly connected with you; she seems to have passed not that long ago"_

Ronnie portrayed no emotion, she didn't want to give anything away, and besides she didn't know anybody who was directly connected with her who died recently!

"_She tells me you have been searching for someone, and for some reason, you stopped looking a few months ago"_

Again a mask, forever hidden emotion

"_This person who I'm talking to she keeps saying she's sorry, she's frantic, she needs you to know that she was forced into doing what she did, and that she did the best job she could."_

This was all so confusing; this woman was making no sense at all

"_She says, she knows you would have done a brilliant job, but you have to look at what's in front of you, and try not to reflect so much on the past"_

"_Now 14, why 14? She keeps repeating the number 14, does this have any significance to you?"_

Ronnie wanted to be sick, how could this woman know this? There was no way she could know. Afraid she couldn't get the words out Ronnie nodded.

"_She keeps repeating, that she did the best job she could, and she hopes you will be proud"_

With confusion ready to boil over Ronnie couldn't contain herself

Ronnie: "Proud of whom? who even is this person!"

The mystic lady smiled, it was a knowing smile, like she knew a secret but couldn't disclose it, and perhaps she knew the message was too much for this already fragile woman, or maybe she knew that she would discover all when the time was right. But what she did disclose was what Ronnie needed to hear.

"_She's withdrawing now, but she left you with one final message and that is, keep searching, what you wished for, is round the corner"._

Ronnie stood up and thanked the woman before leaving in a hurry, she had to get air. She opened the door when Roxy came round the corner.

Roxy: "What do you think you're doing?"

Ronnie: "I'm getting a cab, I'll see you back at the vic!"

Roxy: "Ron, are you ok!"

Ronnie: "Yeah Ron I'm fine honest, just a bit much that's all, go in and see what she says!"

Two weeks went by and Ronnie had always felt on edge ever since, she was so confused by the ladies words, and also by the spirit talking to her. Who was it supposed to be? Ronnie's mother had left straight away after her baby was born. She was apparently in Australia if it was her then why didn't dad say anything? Bringing it up after advice from a spiritual lady would make her sound crazy, especially if she probed Archie over it, she supposed that something's are just better left unsaid.

However that day made her question everything so much more, Ronnie had always been a sceptic but she knew her dad was capable of anything, surely not informing them of their mother's death would be a stretch too far, and then there were the comments that made no sense. It just couldn't have been true. However there were some pieces of evidence that stuck out, like the number, but Ronnie decided she could have just guessed, numbers always mean something to people, But then there was the last message, it did scare her a bit, that last sentence wouldn't have been so bad, but it was the way in which the mystic lady stared at her. It was like she was burning it into her very soul.

Still heading over to R&R she had no recollection of who was passing by as Ronnie was so into her thoughts. However she switched on when she spotted her father heading towards her, immediately she stiffed up and turned her guard on.

Archie: "Hello V, you coming to the Christmas party tonight?"

Ronnie: "Do i have much choice"

Archie: "Well you always have a choice in the matter V, just never had much strength to carry it through"

Ronnie: "I'll be there, but it won't be for you, just Roxy ok"

The mention of Roxy added an extra pinch to Ronnie's point, it never failed.

Archie: "Well i hope you come with your best face on, remember, you never convince your old dad!"

The laugh that finished his spiteful sentence always ran a chill down Ronnie's back, but this caused Ronnie to walk with vengeance, the end was coming, it was in the air, she could smell it.

Walking through the market stalls and finally reaching her destination was R&R, Ronnie's safe little haven, one thing that she could throw herself into and be proud of.

Walking into her office, everything smelt like bleach, the whole place stunk of it, the new cleaner always wafted it around like it was a new perfume. It was very disruptive.

After listening to ADELE on repeat for the last hour and countless DJ bookings, and then the overlook on takings, it was decided that a deserved Vodka and Diet Coke was most defiantly on the cards. Things were looking bright for the small club, and with a massive New Year bash that will be the biggest Walfords ever seen, and takings that were surprisingly high, things were finally starting to look up.

Ronnie made her way to the bar and filled up her glass of Vodka with just the perfect amount of Diet Coke, being a good barmaid was bread into her, and constructing a good drink was her art.

Interrupting her pleasant thoughts were the sound of subtle and gentle steps making there way towards her, Ronnie didn't bother to look up, after all Walford was a small place, always the same people, never really a different face.

Ronnie: "Where closed"

When there was no reply, Ronnie looked up and took a sip of her drink.

The strange figure couldn't be clearly seen in the dim light of the club, and it took a few moments for Ronnie to focus in on the stranger. For a second she was safe in the knowledge that this was Jack, but as her eyes focused, he was too fair to be Jack, and finally his face came into the light, and in that clear instant, shear astonishment was all that Ronnie knew. This was a face from the past, one that was locked away in the deep part of her memory that can only be erected in the darkest of moments, a face that she dared to find again, in hope of discovering the truth but failed at the final hurdle. The face that promised her the world, but couldn't deliver. And finally, and possibly hardest of all, the face her baby girl inherited.


	2. Chapter 2

The face her baby girl inherited.

It was all from one man, Joel

And he was here; standing in front of her, staring at her like 20 years hasn't been a lifetime.

They both took a while to speak, the pair of them digesting each other. Ghosts, plaguing each other in dreams, but he was real and Ronnie had never expected him to look so good, whenever she thought of him, she always saw the same 14 year old, the same cheeky grin, the blissful moments where he promised her everything would be fine, but he was actually stood here, some of his youthful shine gone inevitably with age, she just never expected her breath to be taken away.

As a teenager Ronnie had always found him incredibly attractive, she had never kept in touch with his friends, but on occasions when she had seen them, she always wondered if his looks had faded away, along with there's, but more surprisingly Joels had kept. He didn't look like money, not the way Jack did, he just looked like the typical Jack the lad. It seems something's just never change.

It was time, and Joel opened his mouth to speak, eyes darting in any direction other than Ronnie, he began to shuffle his foot across the floor nervously.

Joel: "You don't look any different"

His eyes were downcast, and for the first time Ronnie wondered, why now?

As Ronnie opened her mouth to speak, Joel cut her off.

Joel: "Great place this too, you really done well for ya'self!"

He still couldn't meet her eyes

Ronnie was having trouble lining her thoughts up, so much could be said, what happened all those years ago was horrific, should she apologise? What about the baby, does he know she isn't alive? This was all getting to be too much, too many memories, too much to say. This was just one more thing Ronnie didn't need, re-living the worst period of your life, dragging up things from the past. It was beginning to be too much.

Feeling her voice breaking, she dared to go on, and for the first time Ronnie spoke up.

Ronnie: "Joel, what's the main reason your here? I mean, i haven't seen you in nearly 20 years and you just turn up completely out of the blue, what is it you want from me? And to top it off its Christmas Eve, you have a family don't you? Why aren't you with them?"

It was then that Joels expression changed and realisation hit him like a light bulb that had suddenly come to life, everything showed in his face, it made him look at Ronnie, pleading with her, using his eyes, secretly telling her what she needed to know with his mind.

He changed his stance, holding onto the metal poll of the bar, using a death grip, he leant further into Ronnie, and quietly whispered.

Joel: "The letter Ronnie"

The look in his eye seemed to beg with her

That letter, the very one that had plagued Ronnie many nights while trying to get to sleep, what was the contents of it, and what information did Archie have, and surely if Joel knew something why were people keeping things from her? In the end it didn't matter, the one connection they both had is dead and buried.

Ronnie turned around and kept her back to him, he was too close and she was desperately trying to get away from Joel's scent and more importantly his gaze, this was definitely too much to bare.

Ronnie: You see

Joel: You see what? You either read it or you didn't!

She sighed to herself in defeat.

Ronnie: Well it wasn't like that! It was taken, and i never got the chance to read it. I'm sorry Joel I truly am.

Shaking his head, Joel sat himself down, not sure he could keep himself from visibly shaking much longer.

Joel: "I believe you owe me a drink, for old time's sake!"

Ronnie agreed, it was true; she owed him more than a drink.

Watching him sit there in her bar, she wondered if she could have ever predicted this. All the times they used to skip school to just lay on the couch together, holding hands and cuddling, would she have ever thought that not long after those very precious moments, they would lose contact for 20 years? She wondered what characteristics her daughter may have shared with him, and if she had ever got to 20 who would she take after? Thinking such thoughts were always trouble, entering dark territory, heartache and pain.

Walking over to him took a lifetime, two drinks in hand, she had a feeling she would need all the vodka she could stomach. He smiled at her sweetly, very lightly touching her hand when reaching for his drink and then quickly apologizing for his mistake.

They were quiet for a long time, nobody daring to speak first, the lights were dim in the room, it fitted the mood of them both perfectly, dark and abandoned.

Feeling the need to break the silence before it deafened her Ronnie went for the 'interested' approach.

Ronnie: "So are you married"

Joel shifted his gaze back onto her, taking a sip of his drink and placing it back down on the mat, carefully.

Joel: "yes, been married 11 years now"

Ronnie's surprise shone through like beacon.

Joel: "what about you? You ever married?"

Ronnie laughed nervously; the joke was more amusing to her than it ever could be to Joel.

Ronnie: "no, never, I don't think I'm the marrying type."

Another dim pause in the conversation, both simultaneously took another sip of their drinks.

Ronnie: "what about children?"

Joel raised his eyebrow; they were skating on thin ice. He had rehearsed everything a million times, he knew perfectly well how to say it, well in front of a mirror. But sat in this bar, staring at Ronnie Mitchell knowing with one sentence he could change her life forever, it wasn't as easy as he thought it would be.

This was it, now or never.

Joel: "I have 2 daughters and 1 son"

Ronnie: "That's quite a brood"

He nodded in agreement

Joel: "Yeah, the youngest he's quite the charmer, 8 years old, constantly driving me round the bend, loves anything to do with Chelsea. My middle one she's 11, and i can tell she's going to be very artistic, loves anything musical or to do with pony's, she doesn't drive me round the bend, but does cost me a fortune. And then there is my eldest"

There was a deep, silent pause and his voice cracked, she needed to hear the next sentence, no, she demanded to hear the next sentence. The pause kept going and going, he kept shuffling uncomfortably as if he was restraining himself. She didn't want to hear what was next; no she couldn't hear what was next.

His eyes, his eyes said everything, and she knew, she knew before the words broke the silence.

Quietly, only slightly above a whisper, he delivered the blow.

Joel: "She's 19, and the image of her mother, she found me when searching for you, i couldn't believe it, all this time i thought she was with you, i had no idea Ronnie"

Ronnie stood up so fast the drinks knocked onto the floor, running her hands through her hair she didn't know what to do, she wanted the words to come out of her mouth but they wouldn't. Her mind was running at 200MPH, subconsciously in the back of her mind the questioning had always been there, but denial seeped through, after all it was so easy to believe what she was desperate to accept as true.

Ronnie: "Thats not true, how could she knock on your door when..."

Joel: "When what Ronnie?"

Ronnie: "When she's not alive!"

It was Joels turn to be enraged, and he immediately stood up, he wasn't menacing in the slightest, but it was his calmness that struck her, his face portrayed his tranquillity but it was always his eyes that exposed his true emotions.

He leant in again, and touched her arm, she flinched at his touch but he pressed further and she couldn't escape him. Yet again just ever so slightly above a whisper, he pushed for the truth.

Joel: "What made you come to the conclusion?"

Ronnie: "My dad, he said there was an accident, and that she had tripped and fell into the bath, apparently there was nothing anyone could do"

Joel let go of Ronnie's arm immediately, and he put his back to her. He was breathing deeply, a tactic he had learnt to calm his temper. Just one thought about that decrepit, despicable man made his stomach turn. He knew that if it wasn't for his interference they would have had it plain sailing, but after the family found out about the baby, Joel was banned for even talking to Ronnie. At first in school she assumed it was because the baby had been discovered, but the more the days went by Joel was just ignoring her to avoid a beating from Ronnie's father.

He couldn't understand why she chose to even think that could be the truth; he turned back round to face her once again, grinding his teeth he lets his anguish out.

Joel: "You're a joke you know that! After everything that man did to us, no actually after everything he did to you! You are still falling for his unbelievable lies, she isn't dead, she hasn't ever been dead, and you are a fool for ever thinking that man can even have one shred of decency".

The air seemed to seep out of the room, and Ronnie gripped onto the banister for support, her ears felt like they were bleeding, her heart about to implode, and eyes gave into the darkness. Feeling cut off to everything was Ronnie's escape; this wasn't how today was supposed to plan out. She lifted up her arms that felt like a ton weight, and she attempted to pull out her one, precious piece of jewellery, failing her baby girl once was already too much for one's conscious, but to do it twice, well it was unforgivable.

Accepting her daughter was dead was the closer she needed, thinking her baby was out there and living, killed her every day. But more often than not, it gave her hope that one day they would meet. But with one sentence her dad took it all away from her, and she was the biggest idiot to ever believe him.

It was never easy waking up in the morning, but it was all so simple knowing that person wasn't out there anymore meant she could move on; forget about Amy, she was no more. But now she was, and always had been, and she had lost even more time.

Wiping away her mascara stained tears she touched his face, it was a kind gesture, and it was towards the only person who had never lied to her.

In that moment Joel swore Ronnie had never looked more attractive, those feelings he had for her had never died down, how could they? Their history was far too big, she was his first love, his first time, his first heartbreak. Of course he loved his wife, but Ronnie was unfinished business and to top it off she was something he wasn't allowed to have, not ever, and that made her even more attractive to him.

Yet again Ronnie strode towards the bar, and he wondered just how many times she would do this, it seemed that whenever she ventured into that dark nest of thoughts, she immediately threw herself behind the bar and into a drink to get away from the hurt.

He grabbed his second beverage and sipped it slowly, completely amerced in her, he wasn't quite sure where the conversation was going to lead next, but he had an idea.

She grabbed a seat next to him and faced the bar; he was sat positioned towards her. She had a million questions written on her face, but she was taking her time in sorting them all out.

Ronnie: "How did she look?"

He raised his eyebrow and smiled

Joel: "Perfect, clean, well mannered, she looks more fragile than she is"

That seemed to please her, though there was no change of facial expression.

Though there was one thing was that really confusing Ronnie, one thing she couldn't get away from, and she never looked at it in a jealous manner, it was just that, well she was the mother, don't children usually find their mother first?

Ronnie: "I don't understand Joel, Just why did she knock on your door before she knocked on mine??"

Joel: "Well she said that she had searched for you and came up with nothing"

Ronnie: "That cant be true, i contacted the adaption agency, i left all of my details with them"

Joel: "Well the thing is Ronnie, the thought never entered her head, she is aware of the fact that no adoption ever took place"

Ronnie was staring at Joel in disbelief

Ronnie: "What do you mean she wasn't adopted, I signed papers, my dad told me..."

She placed her head between her hands and softly let one tear slide down her cheek, of course her dad told her, he would tell her anything.

Ronnie: "Then if she was never adopted, who took her?"

As the sentence slipped out her mouth her eyes widened, she knew who took her, the jigsaw was finally coming together, and there was only one person, the same person who left around the birth of her child, the same person she has never seen since. Then the visit to the psychic lady, the things that she said, apologizing for what she did, hoping she would be proud, it all fitted together and pointed to one person, her mother.

Joel: "You know who took her don't you?"

Ronnie solemnly nodded

Ronnie: "It could have only been my mother"

He placed a comforting arm on her shoulder

Joel: "It was a shock to me also; I couldn't believe it when she told me"

Ronnie looked at him, and broke down; the thought of all of this was too much

Ronnie: "Joel, I can't believe she is alive, my baby, she's alive"

Joel, grabbed hold of her with all of his might and refused to let go, he rubbed her lower back in a soothing manner. She leant back out of his hold shaking her head from side to side.

Ronnie: "Do you think she's still looking for me?"

Joel: "I told her to try the adoption register, i thought it couldn't hurt, and if you left your details then she should have got them, the peculiar thing was, a few days after her visit, I received your letter"

Ronnie: "Did she not leave her phone number?"

Joel: "No, i suppose it just may have to be a waiting game for the both of us"

Ronnie: "Well i can wait much longer; i have been wasting away for too long"

Joel sighed to himself in defeat, she was right, she always was.

Just then Ronnie's phone starting ringing, she looked completely reluctant to answer it. Joel peered over her shoulder to see who was calling, and it was Roxy, Joel wondered if her younger sister had aged as well as Ronnie has.

Ronnie ended the call in a sharp manner, slamming it down hard on the bar, she looked like a woman who had lost patience with everyone and everything.

Ronnie: "My sister says that the party has started and I'm late, and if i don't go over now I'm in trouble"

Joel grinned cheekily, wondering what mischief he could raise

Joel: "Then let's go then, i quite fancy seeing your Roxy and good old Archie!"

Ronnie: "You really mean it?.....Oh wait if you think you're going over there to start trouble, then let it be known it's not happening!"

Joel: "You're the boss!"

Like a gentleman, Joel reached for her coat and slipped it round her, she linked her arm into his and together in silence, they headed across the street and towards the Queen Vic. For the first time in a long time, Ronnie felt like she had some direction, that there was light at the end of the tunnel and it was if she could almost grab it. They were at the red doors of the Queen Vic, when she put her hands on the door, and stop herself.

Ronnie: "Are you sure?"

Joel: "Of course i am, we have nothing to hide!"

Ronnie nodded, and allowed Joel to enter first; she stood still for a moment and let the psychic ladies words run through her head.

"_keep searching, what you wished for, is round the corner"._

That whole visit was starting to make sense, but Ronnie couldn't help but wonder just how true that last sentence was.


	3. Chapter 3

Right first off i just want to say a big thankyou to all those who have reviewed my story, its truley rewarding to find out how many people enjoy my hobby, and even those who put me on their alerts list, i find that very flattering. Now, you maybe thinking after you have read this that things are moving on very fast, and well yes thats true, i did that on purpose. But if you rememer back to Kat and Zoe, everything massive was revealed all in one night, and Ronnie's night of revelations is happening this night, christmas eve. I love the pace of which things are happening in EE at the moment, but i think when it kicks off, its going to kick off like a snowball effect, and it will all come out all in one night, the same as my story. (the only difference being its quite obvious eastenders will have it after xmas)

So yes, big thankyou, and ohh by the way, this is a long one. ;-) enjoy and please review!!

* * *

The pub was packed and the festivities were underway, red, silver and green were the only colours in sight, Band Aid was in full play, and the ever faithfull's all had their usual seats around the Vic.

Ronnie stopped just behind the door, looking around and searching for the impending trouble causers, luckily they weren't to be seen. Not yet.

Ronnie walked towards the bar, her heart beating in her chest like it was about to explode. She couldn't understand herself, she felt like the same 14 year old, terrified that the truth was about to be discovered, worried about what people think, and mainly what her dad may do. It took a while for her to remember that she wasn't the same scared teenager. She was a fully grown woman, a woman who shouldn't be afraid of what anybody thinks, and especially what is said about the man stood next to her.

Joel placed an arm on her shoulder, and she stood up taller, defiant, backing down was not an option, not this time. She glanced to her right just as Jack walked through the double doors, he didn't look the slightest bit merry, she supposed the two of them didn't have much to celebrate this Christmas. He caught her eye, and edged his way closer, he then noticed she had company, never one to be perplexed by competition, Jack carried on towards her anyway.

Jack: "Ron, you fancy a drink?"

Ronnie: "Not tonight Jack, I have some things I need to sort out"

Jack: "Yeah well im sure some exceptions can be made, i mean it is Christmas eve, whatever it is, im sure it can't be that important"

Just then she heard Joel take a large intake of breath

Ronnie: "Well for once Jack it...."

Joel: "You heard the lady, she said not tonight, you deaf or something?"

Ronnie gave Joel the eye, he had stepped out of line, and causing a fight in the middle of the Queen Vic would give her father far too much satisfaction for her to bear.

Jack: "and who's this then, some new flame?"

Just as he said that he noticed the ring on Joel's wedding finger, and gave Ronnie the slyest of smiles.

Jack: "ah, i see, some cosy little affair is it?"

Joel snapped, and slammed his fist down on the bar. She cut him off from speaking.

Ronnie: "The pair of you, just pack it in!"

Jack looked at Ronnie, and he kept his eyes on her while downing his drink, he slammed it down on the bar and took off.

Jack: "You aint worth it love, you never were!"

This was just another battle he would have to lose. Ronnie put her head in her hands, Joel attempted to place an arm on her shoulder but it was quickly rejected, she ordered a double vodka and coke from Tracey, and gulped it all in one go.

Just then Roxy and Sean walked out of the doors deep in conversation; she caught a glimpse of her sister, smiled and looked back at Sean. Just as Ronnie thought she was in the clear, Roxy shot back another look, and utter alarm was the only thing written on her face. In that moment Roxy stood still, and Sean was totally unaware she wasn't paying attention to him. The music seemed to turn up louder, she couldn't hear anybody, all this Christmas music was so happy and jolly, and Ronnie couldn't be further away from the festive mood if she tried.

Roxy left Sean stranded, she knocked into everybody and anybody to get to her sister, her expression was blank, it was as if her brain had been scrambled and she wasn't quite sure what to say first. She finally arrived at her destination, and she checked to see if it was him, it was, she was sure of it. Roxy was in pure disbelief, as if her sister could be so stupid to invite Joel to the annual Christmas party. In her usual manner, Roxy let her sister know exactly what she thought.

Roxy: "What the 'ell is going on"

Ronnie was vastly losing patience

Ronnie: " Rox, just stay out of this ok"

There was no acknowledgement between Joel and Roxy.

Roxy: "I cannot believe you invited him to the Christmas party, what the hell were you thinking."

Ronnie grabbed hold of her sister's arm viscously, and moved her away from the bar and into the corner.

Ronnie: "I didn't invite him, he turned up at the club, and this hasn't got anything to do with you, so just back off Rox!"

Just before Roxy could even respond, the voice of her father bellowed across the pub.

Archie: "Joel, long time no see!"

Ronnie couldn't look, even Roxy couldn't look. They both stood, glued to the spot, daring to see the face of their father, it was some time before they did and the look on Archie's face was menacing. Ronnie felt a fire burning up in the pit of her stomach; he had lied to her since her child was born, about the adoption, about who she may be living with, about her 'so called' death. This man was supposed to be her father, but instead he intended on ruining everything in her life, and he did it with such venom.

Joel never replied to Archie's taunting voice, he just carried on drinking his drink, squaring up his enemy.

Archie: "Fancy my daughter forgetting to tell me we had a special guest arriving"

Ronnie moved away from her sister and took her place next to Joel, staring at her father with such intensity she could have turned him to stone. She gingerly picked up her drink, taking a sip, staring him down, he wasn't anything to her, he would never be anything to her, and she knew that as long as he was in her life he would continue ruining it. One of them had to go, and Ronnie had no intention of being that person.

She put her drink down, she had drunk it dry, she placed her index finger round the rim of the glass in a circle effect, summoning the words, and then she leant over the bar, and motioned for him to come closer, ever so quietly and without emotion she whispered in her dad's ear.

Ronnie: "you have lied to me about everything; and destroyed my life in the process. I know she's not dead, I know she was with mum, and i also know that if i share this information with my sister, and Peggy, you will be out of here before the end of the night".

Archie smiled and picked up a glass from behind the bar, he dried it, looking back and forth to Joel and then to Ronnie, he knew the game was up, but it wasn't over, and it wouldn't be over for some time. He put the glass down and walked towards the back of the pub, and then continued up the stairs.

Ronnie looked at Joel, he knew where she was going, and she wasn't going to give in, but this wasn't his argument.

Joel: "It may be a good idea to leave this to another day Ronnie"

As soon as the words left his mouth he knew he should have kept his opinions to himself.

Ronnie: "I don't remember this ever concerning you Joel, in fact i remember you keeping well out of this side of things. So just keep doing what you know best"

Ronnie looked at her sister, she didn't need to say anything, and Roxy knew what it meant, don't follow me, do not get involved.

With that she continued to follow Archie all the way up the stairs.

Ronnie: "Your never one to run away dad, finally admitting defeat are we!"

He ignored her again, and it made her angrier, she needed a response, she needed a release. He walked into the main living room of the Vic. He pored himself a drink, he knew how to play this, it was the only way he could, clever and conniving and she fell for it every time.

Ronnie stood at the entrance of the living room, watching him, hating him for living, for ruining everything.

Archie: "You will never believe anything i say so why should i even argue"

Ronnie walked towards him, carefully.

Ronnie: "I want to hear what you have to say"

Archie: "Well i did what any father would do, I did it for your own good. I didn't think it was right for you to be looking for her, and i didn't want you anywhere near that mother of yours!"

Ronnie: "So, instead of me ever finding my child, you explain to me that she is dead, and that my mother is in Australia tanning herself on a daily basis while you were playing the role of the doting father?"

Ronnie shook her head in disbelief, she could never understand why she ever believed his lies, they sounded ridiculas, yet she found them so easy to lap up.

Archie: "Well you never questioned them did you? In fact you were quite relieved weren't you V? I did it because I knew that you could never be a mother, you may be one in the sense that you gave birth, but that's just nature, and nurture is something else entirely, and you haven't got that, you never have and you never will"

Ronnie could feel the tears prickling her eyes, she couldn't show weakness, not now.

Ronnie: "You never gave me a chance! I shut down, i had to, you had taken a part of me away, do you know what its like to have your arms aching because there is something missing, to be envious of mothers taking their child to school, to be unable to get out of bed on her birthday because the pain is unbearable!"

Archie: "That's all well and good Veronica, but I've seen the way you are with people, look at that Danielle girl who lives with The Slaters, she's 19/20 and you had her arrested because she embarrassed you for a total of 20 seconds. Is that a person who has all the hallmarks of a mother? I mean after all that girl is the same age as your daughter, and you showed no compassion, not an ounce. Let's face it V, you are not worthy, and if she's bright, which i expect she will be, she will stay as far away from you as possible.

For once Ronnie had no response; she was as guilty as charged.

Ronnie: "I'm not going to back down you know, they will know everything"

Archie: "You should know by now Veronica, that it's me who plays the games round here"

Ronnie looked at the floor, and then glanced back up at her father, just above a whisper she calmly delivered the blow.

Ronnie: "Not for much longer"

Joel was still stood in the same place that Ronnie had left him. He had ordered several drinks since she had left and one by one they were disappearing. She was taking her time, and he dreaded to think what was going on upstairs. Roxy was still burning a hole through his back, and he was getting impatient. This pub had atmosphere, but he didn't think the residents of Walford were overly friendly, the sign behind the bar amused him, pub of the year, it was hardly deserved.

The doors were frequently letting in people as well as a cold draft, mostly they were old, but this time he heard a young voice, one that seemed familiar to him. He didn't bother to turn round; alcohol always seemed to cause a blip in his memory. He took another sip of his drink, and then he saw her at the other side of the bar. His eyes' quickly focused and he felt himself sobering up immediately, Joel thought she looked a lot paler and more tired than the last time he saw her. She was laughing at something her friend had said, and she seemed to glance around, looking for someone, and then her eyes locked in on him. Time seemed to stop, the pair of them just staring at each other, she looked so much like her mother it was unmistakeable. How did Ronnie miss it?

But pure panic was written all over Danielle Jones's face; she said something quickly to her friend and made an immediate exit towards the door.

He screamed her name across the pub and darted over towards her as quickly as he could, there was no way of doing it without making a scene, her friend seemed perplexed as to what was going on, and Roxy seemed to be watching all of this with intensity. He grabbed her by the arm, and she was forced to turn round.

Danielle: "Get off me!"

He wasn't hurting her, not in the slightest, but he didn't want to let go

Joel: "What are you doing here?"

Danielle turned her back to him and walked out of the Queen Vic on towards the square. He followed suit.

Joel: "Danielle I asked you a question!"

She turned round immediately, tears streaming down her face.

Danielle: "Have you told her?"

He had guessed Ronnie had no idea of the connection between her and Danielle, but hearing her say it made him shudder.

He was struck dumb, he wanted to ask her so many questions, but none of that was relevant, he had to convince her to do what was right. There would be a lot of pain, but it was clear that the pair of them needed each other, and he had to be the glue that did it.

Joel: "No, I haven't, but I would have done if I had known you were here"

Danielle nodded and wiped away tears from her eyes, she couldn't look at him, so she locked her gaze onto the floor like a scolded child. Joel tenderly put his finger underneath her chin gently to make her look at him, and he ever so slightly wiped away the tears from her face. The pair of them looked at each other for a moment, and he was stunned as to how much she looked like her mother. He had her head in his hands and quickly brought her forward into a deep hug. He was taken aback as to how much she melted into him, her head positioned perfectly into his neck; she seemed to cry harder, he could feel her tears on his shirt.

Joel: "Shh, its ok"

She moved out of his hold and looked at him, he just didn't understand.

Danielle: "No its not, she hates me!"

Joel: "Now why on earth would she hate you?"

Danielle wiped another tear away before looking around to see who may be listening.

Danielle: "We did get on for a while, but that was ages ago, so now she hates me and that's all you need to know"

She moved further away from him, her legs feeling like they were about to give in, she moved towards Arthurs bench, and she looked up towards the main room of the Queen Vic.

Joel wanted to keep standing, just so he could admire his daughter a bit more; he couldn't believe how brave she was to do all of this on her own, live day in day out in the same area your mother lives, yet just watching from the sidelines, he was right, she wasn't as fragile as she looked and all of this must have been pure torture, a permanent battle with herself.

Analysing her made him wonder just what it was that made her different; he loved all of his children, was completely bewildered and fascinated by them, but there was something on Danielle than made her different. He was in the process of working that out when she asked another question.

Danielle: "What did she say about me"

Joel walked towards the bench, and took a place beside her.

Joel: "She's been lied to Danielle, for a long time, which is why she is, the way she is. When i told her you turned up at my doorstep she broke down, she asked me questions about how you were, what you were like"

Danielle carried on watching the window of the Vic, he grabbed hold of her hand, knowing he needed to look into her eyes for what he had to say next.

Joel: "You have to tell her"

Danielle kept her eyes on him and snatched away her hand.

Danielle: "She wouldn't believe me if I did"

Joel: "She would, how could she not, just look at you, your practicall...."

Danielle stood up fast and spun on her heels

Danielle: "We are nothing like each other! Not even one bit, why do you think we don't get on, i already told you she hates me, she would be ashamed to have me as a daughter, that's why i can't tell her"

Joel: "You need to tell her Danielle, that's the only way you can repair this"

Danielle: "Repair what? I have been here for 4 months, and every things fine, i have found a good family in the Slaters, a job, I don't need her, and i know she doesn't need me!"

Joel sighed, he wanted to shake her, reason with her, make her understand.

Joel: "Danielle, she does need you, do you actually believe she is happy? How could she be happy wondering where her daughter is, if she's ok? What would you do in the same position, just imagine what it would be like if you were her, walking past your own flesh and blood everyday and never knowing about it, you can't honestly expect to keep doing that?

Danielle broke down again, this was exhausting for her, and didn't he know how many times that exact thought had gone through her head. But it seemed so much easier living this way; she couldn't face rejection, not again, especially not from her.

She sat back down again, he put an arm round her shoulder and guided her into a hug.

Danielle: "But what if she doesn't want anything to do with me?"

Joel: "I promise you that won't happen"

Danielle: "She can be a right cow sometimes"

He sniggered and kissed her forehead.

Joel: "I know, I've been on the end of her temper more than once, but what you have to know is this, she went through hell trying to convince her father to keep you, she did everything she could. But because we were kids we were powerless, there was nothing we could do, and she has never been the same since"

Joel looked down on Danielle; he rubbed the hair away from her eyes. He lowered his gaze and whispered in her ear.

Joel: "Will you promise me you will tell her the truth?"

She looked up at him, and nodded slowly.

Danielle: "I'll tell her tonight, I promise"


End file.
